What I Learned as a First Time Mom

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You learn a lot when you are a first time mom, from changing a diaper to mastering the swaddle. But you also learn some other interesting things. I’ve listed below what has kept me giggling and sane this far.

Baby farts are funny-especially when they lift a leg to do it.

Just because you changed their diaper and fed them doesn’t mean they’ll sleep so you can sleep.

When you try to get them to sleep in their pack n play they’ll want their rock n play and visa versa.

Babies hate the sound of chip bags, or any bags really…maybe that’s just my child. Mama wants to eat chips while you sleep kid!

The first week when they wiggle around and head butt your collar bone you think for sure they shattered their skull. By week 5 you’re just happy they missed your chin.

Sometimes they will eat all day…so sometimes you go shirtless all day. It’s just easier, unless there is people in your house, then you leave your shirt on.

They don’t always burp after every feeding and that’ okay. They’re not going to get a huge air bubble and float away, put the baby down and walk away.

Going along with my first lesson, babies don’t know how to poop right off the bat, those grunts you’re hearing is them trying to figure out how to push it out. Unless they’re grunting 24/7 and in pain step away from Google, you’ll only worry for no reason and then hear them fill their diaper and pass out.

Speaking of Google, it is your best friend and worst enemy. What I learned after weeks of researching every little thing is that each baby is different. Trust your gut and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

You will try your hardest to sleep when the baby sleeps but after the first week you realize that shit doesn’t get done that way. No fairy comes and cooks and cleans while you saw some logs sweetie. unless you have a fairy and in that case please share.

When no one is home it is perfectly fine to pee with door open, if it makes you feel like you can save your baby that way then leave it open and save your sanity.

If you don’t know if you recently ate a brownie don’t lick the brown mark off your finger.

Lastly what I’ve learned is that this is an amazing adventure. All those things you worry about fall away when you see them look at you. Don’t doubt your ability, women have been doing this for years, YEARS and they must have figured it out cause look at all of us now.


What are some funny things you’ve learned after becoming a mom?