Okay…It’s time to admit it. I threw in the towel a little when it came to blogging. I kept up my Instagram appearance but honestly I had to take a break. Life has been one crazy effing ride these last few months and the fact that I started this blog during all of it is laughable. So I decided instead of giving up I’m going to throw a pity party. I’m going to get every little frustration off my chest, play the victim, cry and eat my chocolate chip pancakes and make you feel sorry for me and all my woes. BUT after all that I’m going to pick my lazy butt up and be my own motivation.
Lets start with life; since January we have had one big life changing event happening each month. No seriously I’m not even kidding. It started with the first month and us being informed that I would not be going back to full time at my job like they originally had said when I first announce my pregnancy. I launched my blog later that month. February was eventful in the fact that we had our baby shower and got our nursery ready. March we were informed that we needed to come say our goodbyes to Eric’s dear grandmother. April our sweet baby boy joined the world. May Eric’s grandmother’s health worsened but she was able to meet Ashton before her passing. June my great grandmother had a stroke and joined Eric’s grandmother and I received paperwork stating I was laid off from my job once my maternity leave was up. And more recently (July) we were in a horrible car wreck were we walked away with minor bumps and bruises however my car did not survive.
This has been my life, these messy, crazy, unorganized and sometimes scream-able moments have been my life. There is good and bad happening all the time for us right now and as much as I want to give up, I simply can’t. Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Spencer you just said earlier you threw in the towel’ and I did but then I picked it back up and shook off all my doubts, fears, frustration and tears-yes there has been lots of tears lately.
Now this is where I look at each event as what it really was. My company forcing me to part time made me take a hard look at my career and my future, it even forced me to launch my blog earlier than planned. The baby shower although stressful and overwhelming at times due to the realization that our son would be joining us soon helped relieve the stress of buying everything for him and I got to put together his nursery with my mom and sister which is something I’ll always cherish. Having our son has taught me a whole new way to love someone. The way I love him is earth shattering at times, the way I love his father is unbreakable and the new way I love myself…well it’s just beautiful. The passing of our loved ones made us realize how fleeting life is and that we want to be closer to family and that we want careers and a life that lets us visit them all near and far. Receiving the letter stating their decision to lay me off made everything real. We had decided in January to start figuring things out so I didn’t have to return to work but as it got closer and closer I started panic and realize how hard it would be with me not working especially once my unpaid maternity leave started. I began thinking I would go back to a job I hated because that job helped provide for my family and I have 6 months of rejection letters piling up telling me I need that soul sucking job. But getting that letter I felt a weight lift off of me that I wasn’t aware of. Yes the pressure to provide for my family is still here, the rejection letters are still coming but it’s getting better. Lastly we had our car accident, yes I am now car-less, Eric and I are still stiff and uncomfortable but we are all here. The silver lining is my car is now paid off and I ended up getting a new car (two weeks till I’m behind the wheel again!) with no payments.
Again this was my pity party, this was also my way of opening up and letting you know I’m human. I started this blog to connect with others, to share my story and keep my sanity. I want to post about the good and the bad and when it was bad I was too afraid to post. I was worried that I would lose followers, I would lose the respect of others when in reality if I do then that’s okay. Because maybe I’m not the right fit for you, I’m messy, my pictures are always bright and perfect, I spend 90% of my time in sweats with unwashed hair and spit up on me. Right now my 4 month old is teething so he’s stuck on my hip and I have a now 5 year old step son always by my feet.
Now here is where I get to the point of my rambling and pity party. All of this, this mess I’ve just vomited onto the page is my motivation. I’m going to use all of this as motivation and take what I have learned from each life changing event into the next life changing event because lets face it, events like that take place a lot sometimes. (for example my last 6 months…) I will not compare myself to anyone else anymore because we all have our own (excuse my french) shit going on. I will not feel guilty if I don’t get a post up every day or every other day because I’m busy enjoying these fleeting moments with my newborn and step son. I will also not hold back anymore on my blog, I will not write 10 post only to post 1 because I think the other 9 are too sarcastic or wont relate to anyone. So if there is anything you get from all of my ramblings is this; don’t be afraid, be your own motivation and don’t compare yourself to anyone. You are unique and there is no one else out there like you and if you need to throw yourself a pity party DO IT, but remember to use it as motivation and pick yourself back up.
How do you motivate yourself? Any other bloggers out there that have a handful of posts that you never posted?