To write or not to write…is that right?
I know, I know, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here…okay it’s been over a year but honestly I’ve been busy. We bought the farm, got married, started a huge remodeling project on the farm house, had a baby…but honestly I lost myself. I lost my passion and my focus and 2019 was a hard year.
I lost my connection to my core values. I was struggling with my identity of who I am. I didn’t feel like I fit any mold and I also lost my connection to my husband. I was simply on auto pilot and going more and more numb everyday. Then things got really rough, I wont go into details because it’s private and between my husband and myself but I honestly thought I was losing it all but had nothing to pin point why. So, I went to therapy.
This may not seem like something big but honestly to me it is. I tried therapy before and it was a big no go, never doing that again, train wreck. This time however.. something was different. One my therapist and I clicked instantly. I spent my first session literally crying with a stranger and I’ve never felt so accepted, seen and heard before in such a long time.
Then she taught me about boundaries and how to set them up with myself, my spouse, my friends and family. Literally things she told me I knew but also needed to hear again to know it was okay. You see I always want to keep the peace. I absolutely hate confrontation and will grin and bear it majority of the time but after years of doing that I couldn’t anymore. I also learned that fear was still in control of my life.
So I took control, I opened up to my husband again and started speaking up more with friends and family. I stopped worrying about upsetting someone else and put myself and my family first. I also learned how to get my fears to shut up and kindly sit back down.
Now, I ask the question again. To write or not to write? I started this blog while pregnant with my first son. It was such a great outlet and worked as a type of journal for me plus helped me document his life, connect with amazing people and just be. Then I stopped and felt more pressured for it to look a certain, sound a certain way and it wasn’t fun anymore.
BUT I decided to come back and be honest and real and myself all over again. Document the good and the bad. Let the internet trolls not have control of this space and be here for those of you that love hearing what I have to say. So with that being said…. I’m back baby and it feels right to write. 2