What I started doing everyday that helped boost my motivation and confidence.

It’s crazy to think that I’ve been a SAHM now for over a year, I remember loving the corporate hustle. If I was given a deadline that seemed unreachable I also reached it, it honestly made me feel like I had a purpose in life. Then I slowly realized that yes, having a job is very important but I don’t plan on spending the rest of my life coming home to my job and sleeping next to it every night. For starters I wanted a family, I wanted kids and to go on adventures and grow old with the person that I love.

As you’ve probably read in previous post I was laid of while on maternity leave with our first born, something that wasn’t planned but we had talked about was me becoming a SAHM it just happened a lot faster than we planned but we rolled with it. At first I loved it! I loved waking up when I wanted to, enjoying hot cups of coffee and oh wait… that’s right I had a newborn. 😉 My ma stayed with us for almost a month after Ashton was born and it was great, I thought to myself ‘Ya I got this, I can totally raise a newborn, take care of my stepson, run the household and be a good spouse while I running a stay at home business and blog.’ And I tried to, I would spend all day looking for freelance jobs, blogging, cleaning, cooking, cleaning poppy butts and pumping, don’t forget that glorious pumping and for a few months it worked.

Then I slowly stopped blogging as much, some days I wouldn’t even touch my craft table or laptop and I just sat and nursed, ate, pumped and shuttled my step son to and from school. No I wasn’t depressed but I was defiantly missing something. After a while I would get fed up with myself and make these vows that I would be motivated again, I’d stop making excuses, (you can read about all my good excuses here) and I’d do it all again.

No matter what I did I kept slipping back into my sofa induced coma and just survived each day. The other day it finally clicked, the days that I’m productive, feel confident about myself, speak without my voice shaking and don’t make a million excuses as to why I can’t do something were the days I got ready for the day within an hour of waking up. I know silly right? But it’s true, being a SAHM it’s so easy to stay in our comfiest clothes, order in and put the cleaning off till later because there no one there to judge us or make us feel bad, except ourselves of course. Now I’m not saying that you need to get dressed and put together like you’re going into a corporate meeting or about to pose for a cover of a magazine, I mean you can if you want to but I’m talking about simply putting on real clothes -I count leggings and real clothes- and throwing on a little mascara or lipstick or even blush, whatever makes you feel awake and ready for the day. For me it’s mascara, I feel like it wakes me up and when I don’t put it on I feel asleep all day.

Plus added bonus, when your spouse comes home you don’t feel like a slob and for me, I feel sexy. Even though he gets home late and by then I’m back in pj’s I felt good about myself all day so when he walks through the door and says ‘Hi beautiful’ I don’t immediately reply with something like ‘I look like crap’, ‘I haven’t showered’, or ‘what are you talking about there spit up on my shirt’. Even if those things are true because lets face it moms can go a few days without showering and when there is a baby involved there is always spit up somewhere, I do feel beautiful, I took care of myself that day even if it sounds like a superficial way to do it but I did. When I walked by a mirror all day I didn’t think ‘God Spencer get it together.’ I would instead think ‘I really like my eye shadow today’ or ‘My hair is getting so long and pretty.’ What we think and say about ourselves can really effect us, more than we realize. Self talk is my worst enemy so if putting on a little mascara, a layer of dry shampoo and clean clothes will silence my self talk for the most part then I’ll do it. Doing this daily habit has also led me to add other seemingly normal things back into my life. Like brushing my teeth first thing in the am and not after I had my coffee… or lunch. Taking my vitamins daily and rolling out my yoga mat.

What is something that you can do or do, do daily that helps you feel confident and motivated? Are you like me and need to get dressed and slap some quick makeup on to feel ready for the day or do you prefer to workout and chug a protein shake?

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Let’s talk Sh*t about ourselves, than never do it again.

Raise your hand if you want to be happy, healthy, successful, a great mom, wife, friend, etc. We all have things we want to be but… sometimes we don’t want to put in the work to do it. I know I don’t, yep that’s right, I am a lazy sh*t sometimes and want to do all these things but without having to do any work. Now this isn’t true all the time but damn do I make good excuses to not do stuff.

From cooking:

‘I hate cooking because our kitchen is so small and Ashton wants to be in there with me and I have to clean while I cook…’ Seriously. You have an effing kitchen with food in your fridge, a light weight highchair that you said would be perfect for ‘when I’m trying to cook, I can just put him in it and let him watch and snack’ and a freaking dishwasher that as long as you unloaded it in the morning like you said you would do-seriously do what you said you were going to do-then you have zero reasons not to cook and feed yourself and your family.

To my passions:

‘I can never write, paint or read because there is always house work, Ashton needs me, Jordan needs me, I’m hungry or too tired. I never have time to do my lessons or work on my two year goals because who’s going to do the laundry and cook (okay girl you just made a list of reason why you can’t cook and now you’re using cooking as an excuse…) If I stay up late working on the things I want to do then I don’t get to sleep or take baths.’ Now let’s be realistic Spencer… you wash your hair once a week, if that and even though you say every day “I need to take a bath tonight to wind down baby”- to Eric not yourself- you end up sitting on the sofa putting off doing the dishes and binge watching TV shows that you have literally seen so many times you could probably quote them word for word and then go ‘oh it’s too late for a bath now guess it’s time for bed.’ where you again lay there and watch more shows you’ve already seen or play on your phone because you can’t fall asleep… But wait! You just said you’re too tired to do any of the things you are actually passionate about and truly love doing but you can sit there in bed and let your eye glaze over listening to Barney talk about his latest addition to the playbook. To give yourself some credit yes you are tired because you are a mom now and face it moms don’t sleep, we’re always thinking of random crap that really doesn’t matter from ‘why did he fight nap time so much today to should I google what a normal diaper rash looks like even though I’ve already done that a handful of times now?’ BUT you are more than just a mom, even though I hate that saying so much because being a mom doesn’t make you any more or less than anyone else and there is nothing wrong with being “just a mom” but that’s another blog post for a different rant day. You are your passions, you are someones spouse, someones daughter, best friend, stepmom, role model, business owner, etc. The days I squeeze in a quick yoga session and some reading or painting I fall asleep faster at night, I’m off my phone and I’m out of my head.  Yes there is always house work to be done and despite my theory that there is a time goblin eating away my hours each day making it impossible to get it all done there is not scientific data to support that. There is just me and my excuses.

I don’t want to wake up one day and be left with just my excuses, I’m not saying that my excuses will lead to my spouse leaving me and my kids hating me but honestly… it could. I spent a good chunk of my younger years making excuses for someone else and apparently I’m good at it because I slipped those jeans back on but this time I’m making the excuses for me. I know I’m not some horrible monster who neglects my children and treats my spouse like garbage but I’m only giving them 10% of me some days and that is NOT okay, just like it’s not okay to only give myself 10%.  Here’s my other big issue and after talking to other people it sounds like we all do this, I decide that I want to really focus on changing my life or a bad habit and do all this research. Follow people on Instagram to motivate me, start reading books and declare to Eric how I’m going to start changing my life. And I do, I really do…for like a month or two and then excuses slowly start sneaking back in and I find myself thinking ‘well he didn’t seem to care if I cooked or ordered in so why even cook?’ or ‘It’s not like I’ll ever be a famous painter or writer one day so why do it?’ How f*cked up is that?! Instead of going ‘you know it’s okay, you got a little lazy and lost sight but millions of people have been right where you’re at right now and they pushed through it and got back up.’

The thing with reading all these books to expand my way of thinking is I KNOW BETTER but I never really figured out how to do better. I still haven’t but I can now look at past relationships from friendships to family to love interest and see why someone is no longer apart of my life and how they drove others to leave them and it all leads straight to excuses. I got tired of hearing someone else’s excuses of why they keep going back to the same toxic relationship or hearing the same excuses of why someone couldn’t stay faithful or why it was so hard to keep a job, etc. And they all had an excuse. From; I cheated because I didn’t feel attractive in my relationship to I lost my job because so and so brought alcohol to work and I took a sip while on the clock but I didn’t bring the alcohol.  An excuse is just pushing to blame onto someone or something else instead of looking at ourselves and being honest about our downfalls.

I’ve already shown you a lot of my downfalls and I’m honestly not embarrassed by it at all, I actually feel really good being so raw with myself and others. I also really want to kick my excuse’s ass to the curb and start doing all the sh*t I say I want to do. To give you a little more insight on how good I am at making excuses here is a list of things I’ve always wanted to do but was just too “busy’ to do.

 

  • Play an instrument- I own a bass guitar, guitar, melodica and ukulele and can play none of them.
  • Learn French- Two Christmas’s ago my father got me french lessons for us to do together and I don’t even think I’ve downloaded it on to my new computer…that I got last Christmas.
  • Learn Sign language- Again my parent’s gifted us a book on teaching yourself how to sign and I looked at page one.
  • Get Certified in Chakracology- I’m again approaching the two year mark of not completing this even though I’ve almost answered all the questions for the final…
  • Become a certified yoga instructor- I’ve literally done nothing to accomplish this, absolutely nothing but it’s something I magically think will happen.
  • Publish something- I’ve submitted nothing to anyone ever.

 

I could list a few others but I think you get the point, so what now? I’ve literally made it public knowledge of my failures so what’s to stop me from making an excuse to keep avoiding doing these things? Nothing. There is nothing that can make me do the things I want to do except me. If someone forces me to do it I will end up making excuses up about why this person is not a good influence. Not because I’m crazy but because this is how the human mind works, there is literally hundreds of studies done on how basically our ego f*cks us over a lot. It doesn’t want to feel threatened, it does not want us to change because then our false self wont exist anymore, aka our ego wont exist. I don’t know about you but my ego is a bitch, she can make a good day bad within seconds. She can also convince me that everything is perfectly fine while deep down inside I know it’s not. She is basically my excuse making machine; Oh honey you’ve cook breakfast so you deserve to put your feet up and watch TV for three hours… Ya, she likes saying that one a lot.

So besides posting this and talking sh*t about myself and probably coming off as a nut bag I’m going to create a plan-I know I’ve created lots of plans before that I’ve never stuck to but this time I will and if I slip then I’ll keep trying and not let excuses run my world. Not only that I’ll share my journey on here and my Instagram feed (@spencerunlimited) so that if you decided that you too are tired of your excuse making ego and want to actually do stuff but realize there is no magic drink, food, pill or person that will make you do it you can at least see that someone (me) is right there next to you trying to figure it all out too.

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Welcome to my Pity Party

Okay…It’s time to admit it. I threw in the towel a little when it came to blogging. I kept up my Instagram appearance but honestly I had to take a break. Life has been one crazy effing ride these last few months and the fact that I started this blog during all of it is laughable. So I decided instead of giving up I’m going to throw a pity party. I’m going to get every little frustration off my chest, play the victim, cry and eat my chocolate chip pancakes and make you feel sorry for me and all my woes. BUT after all that I’m going to pick my lazy butt up and be my own motivation.

Lets start with life; since January we have had one big life changing event happening each month. No seriously I’m not even kidding. It started with the first month and us being informed that I would not be going back to full time at my job like they originally had said when I first announce my pregnancy. I launched my blog later that month. February was eventful in the fact that we had our baby shower and got our nursery ready. March we were informed that we needed to come say our goodbyes to Eric’s dear grandmother. April our sweet baby boy joined the world. May Eric’s grandmother’s health worsened but she was able to meet Ashton before her passing. June my great grandmother had a stroke and joined Eric’s grandmother and I received paperwork stating I was laid off from my job once my maternity leave was up. And more recently (July) we were in a horrible car wreck were we walked away with minor bumps and bruises however my car did not survive.

This has been my life, these messy, crazy, unorganized and sometimes scream-able moments have been my life. There is good and bad happening all the time for us right now and as much as I want to give up, I simply can’t. Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Spencer you just said earlier you threw in the towel’ and I did but then I picked it back up and shook off all my doubts, fears, frustration and tears-yes there has been lots of tears lately.

Now this is where I look at each event as what it really was. My company forcing me to part time made me take a hard look at my career and my future, it even forced me to launch my blog earlier than planned. The baby shower although stressful and overwhelming at times due to the realization that our son would be joining us soon helped relieve the stress of buying everything for him and I got to put together his nursery with my mom and sister which is something I’ll always cherish. Having our son has taught me a whole new way to love someone. The way I love him is earth shattering at times, the way I love his father is unbreakable and the new way I love myself…well it’s just beautiful. The passing of our loved ones made us realize how fleeting life is and that we want to be closer to family and that we want careers and a life that lets us visit them all near and far. Receiving the letter stating their decision to lay me off made everything real. We had decided in January to start figuring things out so I didn’t have to return to work but as it got closer and closer I started panic and realize how hard it would be with me not working especially once my unpaid maternity leave started. I began thinking I would go back to a job I hated because that job helped provide for my family and I have 6 months of rejection letters piling up telling me I need that soul sucking job. But getting that letter I felt a weight lift off of me that I wasn’t aware of. Yes the pressure to provide for my family is still here, the rejection letters are still coming but it’s getting better. Lastly we had our car accident, yes I am now car-less, Eric and I are still stiff and uncomfortable but we are all here. The silver lining is my car is now paid off and I ended up getting a new car (two weeks till I’m behind the wheel again!) with no payments.

Again this was my pity party, this was also my way of opening up and letting you know I’m human. I started this blog to connect with others, to share my story and keep my sanity. I want to post about the good and the bad and when it was bad I was too afraid to post. I was worried that I would lose followers, I would lose the respect of others when in reality if I do then that’s okay. Because maybe I’m not the right fit for you, I’m messy, my pictures are always bright and perfect, I spend 90% of my time in sweats with unwashed hair and spit up on me. Right now my 4 month old is teething so he’s stuck on my hip and I have a now 5 year old step son always by my feet.

Now here is where I get to the point of my rambling and pity party. All of this, this mess I’ve just vomited onto the page is my motivation. I’m going to use all of this as motivation and take what I have learned from each life changing event into the next life changing event because lets face it, events like that take place a lot sometimes. (for example my last 6 months…) I will not compare myself to anyone else anymore because we all have our own (excuse my french) shit going on. I will not feel guilty if I don’t get a post up every day or every other day because I’m busy enjoying these fleeting moments with my newborn and step son. I will also not hold back anymore on my blog, I will not write 10 post only to post 1 because I think the other 9 are too sarcastic or wont relate to anyone. So if there is anything you get from all of my ramblings is this; don’t be afraid, be your own motivation and don’t compare yourself to anyone. You are unique and there is no one else out there like you and if you need to throw yourself a pity party DO IT, but remember to use it as motivation and pick yourself back up.

How do you motivate yourself? Any other bloggers out there that have a handful of posts that you never posted?

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