Let’s Cut the BS and Stop Making Excuses: Update on my Progress Towards a Better Me.

It’s been a week since I declared I would stop making making excuses and start doing more for my family and myself. If you have no clue what I’m talking about read this post first then come back to here. ūüôā

First let me say that I am so happy I shared my struggles with all of you as well as with Eric for a number of reasons. For starters I had a lot of you reach out to me and say ‘yep, that’s SO me!’ and I even had a few tell me they were so happy I shared because they were starting to feel depressed after becoming a SAHM and knowing they’re not alone meant the world to them. Which means the world to me because that was the number one reason I started this blog, to not feel alone and to connect with like minded people. Finally I’m happy I shared it because it made me accountable, I would start to feel myself slip back into my excuses or when it came time do it I made reasons up why I couldn’t and Eric would say something as simple as ‘you just gotta find a way baby’. And I did, so let’s see where I am after just one week of setting my goals and getting myself up off my ass, I posted my list of things I wanted to accomplish on my post (mentioned above) and this is were I am at.

Learn to Play an Instrument: Eric ordered us two beginners ukulele’s and we spent most of our day yesterday learning how to tune them and the different notes.

French Lessons: I pulled this one out and started it twice then stopped BUT it was due to equipment issues, the mic they supplied me with isn’t picking my voice up so I spent my time trying to reset the whole thing.

Learn Sign Language: I’m happy to report I know my ABC’s as well as family signs for mother, father, brother, etc.

The last two items on my list, yoga instructor and publish something are things that unfortunately do have to wait a little bit. I can’t really become certified while I’m 5 months pregnant so that will have to wait until I’m done growing a life and that 3 month period after where you’re just in survival mode. As far as publishing something goes I’m currently just working on writing more, I try and set aside time daily to write either on here or in my journal to fine tune my skills which to me is a perfect stepping stone in the direction I’m wanting to go.

 

Now lets talk about the other things I mentioned I do in terms of making excuses around the house….like cooking, ugh cooking. I still hate it, I still struggle with wanting to do it but I’m doing it however, now I noticed my biggest issues is thinking of what to cook and going to the store to get it. Also, when things come up, like this weekend we had Eric’s family in town and then went out of town for a wedding. I bought light groceries and focused more on snacks, however that bit me in the butt when plans changed and we had no food so we ordered in.

As far as my passions go I’ve been trying to do one thing each day for me that is a passion of mine, from reading a book on a subject I’m really interested in, working on my shop, painting or even painting with the kids. I’m making a conscious decision to do something everyday for me now even if that means I have a baby looking at me between my legs, getting food smudged all over my yoga pants while I sit to do these things. I realize I’m showing him and his brother that it’s important to have passions, it’s important to do things just for you even if you feel selfish doing it.

Are you also joining me on making less excuses? What have you done to help yourself overcome them?

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What I started doing everyday that helped boost my motivation and confidence.

It’s crazy to think that I’ve been a SAHM now for over a year, I remember loving the corporate hustle. If I was given a deadline that seemed unreachable I also reached it, it honestly made me feel like I had a purpose in life. Then I slowly realized that yes, having a job is very important but I don’t plan on spending the rest of my life coming home to my job and sleeping next to it every night. For starters I wanted a family, I wanted kids and to go on adventures and grow old with the person that I love.

As you’ve probably read in previous post I was laid of while on maternity leave with our first born, something that wasn’t planned but we had talked about was me becoming a SAHM it just happened a lot faster than we planned but we rolled with it. At first I loved it! I loved waking up when I wanted to, enjoying hot cups of coffee and oh wait… that’s right I had a newborn. ūüėČ My ma stayed with us for almost a month after Ashton was born and it was great, I thought to myself ‘Ya I got this, I can totally raise a newborn, take care of my stepson, run the household and be a good spouse while I running a stay at home business and blog.’ And I tried to, I would spend all day looking for freelance jobs, blogging, cleaning, cooking, cleaning poppy butts and pumping, don’t forget that glorious pumping and for a few months it worked.

Then I slowly stopped blogging as much, some days I wouldn’t even touch my craft table or laptop and I just sat and nursed, ate, pumped and shuttled my step son to and from school. No I wasn’t depressed but I was defiantly missing something. After a while I would get fed up with myself and make these vows that I would be motivated again, I’d stop making excuses, (you can read about all my good excuses here) and I’d do it all again.

No matter what I did I kept slipping back into my sofa induced coma and just survived each day. The other day it finally clicked, the days that I’m productive, feel confident about myself, speak without my voice shaking and don’t make a million excuses as to why I can’t do something were the days I got ready for the day within an hour of waking up. I know silly right? But it’s true, being a SAHM it’s so easy to stay in our comfiest clothes, order in and put the cleaning off till later because there no one there to judge us or make us feel bad, except ourselves of course. Now I’m not saying that you need to get dressed and put together like you’re going into a corporate meeting or about to pose for a cover of a magazine, I mean you can if you want to but I’m talking about simply putting on real clothes -I count leggings and real clothes- and throwing on a little mascara or lipstick or even blush, whatever makes you feel awake and ready for the day. For me it’s mascara, I feel like it wakes me up and when I don’t put it on I feel asleep all day.

Plus added bonus, when your spouse comes home you don’t feel like a slob and for me, I feel sexy. Even though he gets home late and by then I’m back in pj’s I felt good about myself all day so when he walks through the door and says ‘Hi beautiful’ I don’t immediately reply with something like ‘I look like crap’, ‘I haven’t showered’, or ‘what are you talking about there spit up on my shirt’. Even if those things are true because lets face it moms can go a few days without showering and when there is a baby involved there is always spit up somewhere, I do feel beautiful, I took care of myself that day even if it sounds like a superficial way to do it but I did. When I walked by a mirror all day I didn’t think ‘God Spencer get it together.’ I would instead think ‘I really like my eye shadow today’ or ‘My hair is getting so long and pretty.’ What we think and say about ourselves can really effect us, more than we realize. Self talk is my worst enemy so if putting on a little mascara, a layer of dry shampoo and clean clothes will silence my self talk for the most part then I’ll do it. Doing this daily habit has also led me to add other seemingly normal things back into my life. Like brushing my teeth first thing in the am and not after I had my coffee… or lunch. Taking my vitamins daily and rolling out my yoga mat.

What is something that you can do or do, do daily that helps you feel confident and motivated? Are you like me and need to get dressed and slap some quick makeup on to feel ready for the day or do you prefer to workout and chug a protein shake?

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Let’s talk Sh*t about ourselves, than never do it again.

Raise your hand if you want to be happy, healthy, successful, a great mom, wife, friend, etc. We all have things we want to be but… sometimes we don’t want to put in the work to do it. I know I don’t, yep that’s right, I am a lazy sh*t sometimes and want to do all these things but without having to do any work. Now this isn’t true all the time but damn do I make good excuses to not do stuff.

From cooking:

‘I hate cooking because our kitchen is so small and Ashton wants to be in there with me and I have to clean while I cook…’ Seriously. You have an effing kitchen with food in your fridge, a light weight highchair that you said would be perfect for ‘when I’m trying to cook, I can just put him in it and let him watch and snack’ and a freaking dishwasher that as long as you unloaded it in the morning like you said you would do-seriously do what you said you were going to do-then you have zero reasons not to cook and feed yourself and your family.

To my passions:

‘I can never write, paint or read because there is always house work, Ashton needs me, Jordan needs me, I’m hungry or too tired. I never have time to do my lessons or work on my two year goals because who’s going to do the laundry and cook (okay girl you just made a list of reason why you can’t cook and now you’re using cooking as an excuse…) If I stay up late working on the things I want to do then I don’t get to sleep or take baths.’ Now let’s be realistic Spencer… you wash your hair once a week, if that and even though you say every day “I need to take a bath tonight to wind down baby”- to Eric not yourself- you end up sitting on the sofa putting off doing the dishes and binge watching TV shows that you have literally seen so many times you could probably quote them word for word and then go ‘oh it’s too late for a bath now guess it’s time for bed.’ where you again lay there and watch more shows you’ve already seen or play on your phone because you can’t fall asleep… But wait! You just said you’re too tired to do any of the things you are actually passionate about and truly love doing but you can sit there in bed and let your eye glaze over listening to Barney talk about his latest addition to the playbook. To give yourself some credit yes you are tired because you are a mom now and face it moms don’t sleep, we’re always thinking of random crap that really doesn’t matter from ‘why did he fight nap time so much today to should I google what a normal diaper rash looks like even though I’ve already done that a handful of times now?’ BUT you are more than just a mom, even though I hate that saying so much because being a mom doesn’t make you any more or less than anyone else and there is nothing wrong with being “just a mom” but that’s another blog post for a different rant day. You are your passions, you are someones spouse, someones daughter, best friend, stepmom, role model, business owner, etc. The days I squeeze in a quick yoga session and some reading or painting I fall asleep faster at night, I’m off my phone and I’m out of my head. ¬†Yes there is always house work to be done and despite my theory that there is a time goblin eating away my hours each day making it impossible to get it all done there is not scientific data to support that. There is just me and my excuses.

I don’t want to wake up one day and be left with just my excuses, I’m not saying that my excuses will lead to my spouse leaving me and my kids hating me but honestly… it could. I spent a good chunk of my younger years making excuses for someone else and apparently I’m good at it because I slipped those jeans back on but this time I’m making the excuses for me. I know I’m not some horrible monster who neglects my children and treats my spouse like garbage but I’m only giving them 10% of me some days and that is NOT okay, just like it’s not okay to only give myself 10%. ¬†Here’s my other big issue and after talking to other people it sounds like we all do this, I decide that I want to really focus on changing my life or a bad habit and do all this research. Follow people on Instagram to motivate me, start reading books and declare to Eric how I’m going to start changing my life. And I do, I really do…for like a month or two and then excuses slowly start sneaking back in and I find myself thinking ‘well he didn’t seem to care if I cooked or ordered in so why even cook?’ or ‘It’s not like I’ll ever be a famous painter or writer one day so why do it?’ How f*cked up is that?! Instead of going ‘you know it’s okay, you got a little lazy and lost sight but millions of people have been right where you’re at right now and they pushed through it and got back up.’

The thing with reading all these books to expand my way of thinking is I KNOW BETTER but I never really figured out how to do better. I still haven’t but I can now look at past relationships from friendships to family to love interest and see why someone is no longer apart of my life and how they drove others to leave them and it all leads straight to excuses. I got tired of hearing someone else’s excuses of why they keep going back to the same toxic relationship or hearing the same excuses of why someone couldn’t stay faithful or why it was so hard to keep a job, etc. And they all had an excuse. From; I cheated because I didn’t feel attractive in my relationship to I lost my job because so and so brought alcohol to work and I took a sip while on the clock but I didn’t bring the alcohol. ¬†An excuse is just pushing to blame onto someone or something else instead of looking at ourselves and being honest about our downfalls.

I’ve already shown you a lot of my downfalls and I’m honestly not embarrassed by it at all, I actually feel really good being so raw with myself and others. I also really want to kick my excuse’s ass to the curb and start doing all the sh*t I say I want to do. To give you a little more insight on how good I am at making excuses here is a list of things I’ve always wanted to do but was just too “busy’ to do.

 

  • Play an instrument- I own a bass guitar, guitar, melodica and ukulele and can play none of them.
  • Learn French- Two Christmas’s ago my father got me french lessons for us to do together and I don’t even think I’ve downloaded it on to my new computer…that I got last Christmas.
  • Learn Sign language- Again my parent’s gifted us a book on teaching yourself how to sign and I looked at page one.
  • Get Certified in Chakracology- I’m again approaching the two year mark of not completing this even though I’ve almost answered all the questions for the final…
  • Become a certified yoga instructor- I’ve literally done nothing to accomplish this, absolutely nothing but it’s something I magically think will happen.
  • Publish something- I’ve submitted nothing to anyone ever.

 

I could list a few others but I think you get the point, so what now? I’ve literally made it public knowledge of my failures so what’s to stop me from making an excuse to keep avoiding doing these things? Nothing. There is nothing that can make me do the things I want to do except me. If someone forces me to do it I will end up making excuses up about why this person is not a good influence. Not because I’m crazy but because this is how the human mind works, there is literally hundreds of studies done on how basically our ego f*cks us over a lot. It doesn’t want to feel threatened, it does not want us to change because then our false self wont exist anymore, aka our ego wont exist. I don’t know about you but my ego is a bitch, she can make a good day bad within seconds. She can also convince me that everything is perfectly fine while deep down inside I know it’s not. She is basically my excuse making machine; Oh honey you’ve cook breakfast so you deserve to put your feet up and watch TV for three hours… Ya, she likes saying that one a lot.

So besides posting this and talking sh*t about myself and probably coming off as a nut bag I’m going to create a plan-I know I’ve created lots of plans before that I’ve never stuck to but this time I will and if I slip then I’ll keep trying and not let excuses run my world. Not only that I’ll share my journey on here and my Instagram feed (@spencerunlimited) so that if you decided that you too are tired of your excuse making ego and want to actually do stuff but realize there is no magic drink, food, pill or person that will make you do it you can at least see that someone (me) is right there next to you trying to figure it all out too.

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I Was a Bad Mom Today and Will be Tomorrow…

Okay first off if you haven’t seen the movie Bad Mom staring my girl crush Mila Kunis you need to do it, trust me! I’ve watched this movie going on 5 times now and I will probably watch it another again before 2016 is over. Crush crushes aside this movie made me feel good about being a bad mom.¬†

Basically there¬†are so many rules and expectation for us moms now that it’s impossible to keep up or do it all. Some how we aresuppose to vaccinate our kids but not vaccinate them, feed them organic all natural food but allow them to have cookies and candy whenever they want, discipline¬†our kids but don’t discipline them TOO much aka don’t spank them or slap their hand in public or you’ll be turned in, breastfeed them but not in public and if you do give a bottle heavens forbid it’s formula because clearly you don’t care about¬†your kid if you’re feeding it… please tell me you getting my sarcasm here.

Needless to say it’s really easy to be classified as a bad mom these days and I was guilty of worrying about it. I’m a breastfeeding mom who disciplines our kids, I cook mostly organic food for our kids but I also order in…a lot and you best believe I buy pre-made cookie dough and have candy in my house because mama needs sugar. My house is always half cleaned, my “work clothes” are whatever I fell asleep in the night before and some how I do laundry daily but someone’s favorite shorts or shirt never make it in a load.¬†

Today I was a bad mom because I made our 5 year old throw away his stickers he had just gotten two days ago as a gift. Yep, I’m such a b*tch or at least I’m sure he thought that, except I like to believe he’s fool ???(remove) language isn’t that advanced and I was more of a doo doo head. Lets back pedal a little on why we ended up with stickers in the trash and tears before 9 am. Along with the stickers the boys got race cars to share and we’re still working on sharing somedays in this house. I usually start with a warning when I see the oldest take both cars away and try and sneak off, it’s something like “Buddy…where are you going?” followed by “nowhere…” “why’d you take your brothers car away?” “He gave it to me.” Ugh toddler lies. Even though I just watched him walk over and take the car away from his brother I calmly explain that it didn’t look like his little brother gave it to him and that he needs to share. Followed by my new go to “if your brother took away all your toys how will you feel?” Of course this works for a few minutes but soon it happens again, plus Ashton’s a¬† (remove) crying is usually a good sounding alarm that someone took his toy. By his third warning Jordan is sent to sit in his room on his chair and think about why he feels he needs all the toys and doesn’t want to share. This honestly works better than I thought it would however not always.

Now lets get to the stickers, while I cooked breakfast and fed Ashton his pureed carrots before nap time I asked Jordan to play in his room so that I could see him while I cooked and so he’d stay away from the hot stove. He asked to play with his new coloring book and stickers-God I hate STICKERS!- so we did a refresh of sticker rules; Do not stick them on anything or anyone without asking. Stick the stickers in the sticker book and no where else.¬†

Alas I put Ashton down for his nap and go to get Jordan for breakfast and my heart broke. I had to pull out bad mom me before 9 amalready? Damn…. Stickers cover him and his table and chair. I ask what the rules are with stickers and I can see it in his eyes he is in trouble. So following along with the rules he then had to take each sticker off his chair, table and self and throw them all away. Of course there was tears and the dread shaky voice of ‘why?’ and the answer is always changing but comes down to this. I want to raise kids that respect the things they own, that know the value of materialistic things and don’t take them for granted. My parents did this with me and I think that is one reason why I take so much pride in the little amount of stuff we have. We are in no means rich, we classify more with the poor, paycheck to paycheck class so buying tons of toys for our kids isn’t realistic, plus they don’t need that many toys.¬†

Yesterday I was a bad mom because I slapped Ashton’s hand to teach him ‘No’ means don’t touch. Yes it breaks my mom heart when after the third slap he cries out of frustration but on the flip side I don’t want to have to get rid of everything in our house. I also don’t want him trying to eat Christmas lights or pine cones…. BUT as much as it breaks my heart to do all of this guess what, I say No and Ashton stops now, admittedly he still grabs it after he looks at me and laughs but we’re getting there. Jordan later asked to play with a different sticker book and said ‘I won’t put them on the table or chair only my book’.

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My Baby has a Sixth Sense

No he doesn’t see dead people but he does know when I’m about to do something for me and only me. If I pour myself a nice relaxing bubble bath with candles, music and maybe a glass of wine he lets me get in, get comfortable and THEN decides he needs me and only me. Enter co-bathing.¬†

Everyone knows that moms eat last, it’s like a right of passage when that when you become a mom you ultimately end up eating scraps or cold food. I have tried eating while I nurse or play with him but it usually ends up with food all over us and the floor and leads to another co-bath.¬†

Eric has even caught on to our sons antics and has asked him why he’s trying to deprive me of food and a relaxing bath but alas Ashton has no answer. He just wants me when he wants me. Funny enough when I want him he’s too busy growing up before my eyes to let me hold him or get a cuddle session in after I nurse him.¬†

I realize soon my food will always be hot and I’ll be the one bugging him with phones calls and asking when he’s going to visit me and his dad again. And yes that breaks my heart to think one day he wont need me as much as he does now but in honor of the holiday spirit, all I want for Christmas is a long, quite bubble bath with endless champagne.

Does your baby have a sixth sense too? 

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