Let’s talk Sh*t about ourselves, than never do it again.

Raise your hand if you want to be happy, healthy, successful, a great mom, wife, friend, etc. We all have things we want to be but… sometimes we don’t want to put in the work to do it. I know I don’t, yep that’s right, I am a lazy sh*t sometimes and want to do all these things but without having to do any work. Now this isn’t true all the time but damn do I make good excuses to not do stuff.

From cooking:

‘I hate cooking because our kitchen is so small and Ashton wants to be in there with me and I have to clean while I cook…’ Seriously. You have an effing kitchen with food in your fridge, a light weight highchair that you said would be perfect for ‘when I’m trying to cook, I can just put him in it and let him watch and snack’ and a freaking dishwasher that as long as you unloaded it in the morning like you said you would do-seriously do what you said you were going to do-then you have zero reasons not to cook and feed yourself and your family.

To my passions:

‘I can never write, paint or read because there is always house work, Ashton needs me, Jordan needs me, I’m hungry or too tired. I never have time to do my lessons or work on my two year goals because who’s going to do the laundry and cook (okay girl you just made a list of reason why you can’t cook and now you’re using cooking as an excuse…) If I stay up late working on the things I want to do then I don’t get to sleep or take baths.’ Now let’s be realistic Spencer… you wash your hair once a week, if that and even though you say every day “I need to take a bath tonight to wind down baby”- to Eric not yourself- you end up sitting on the sofa putting off doing the dishes and binge watching TV shows that you have literally seen so many times you could probably quote them word for word and then go ‘oh it’s too late for a bath now guess it’s time for bed.’ where you again lay there and watch more shows you’ve already seen or play on your phone because you can’t fall asleep… But wait! You just said you’re too tired to do any of the things you are actually passionate about and truly love doing but you can sit there in bed and let your eye glaze over listening to Barney talk about his latest addition to the playbook. To give yourself some credit yes you are tired because you are a mom now and face it moms don’t sleep, we’re always thinking of random crap that really doesn’t matter from ‘why did he fight nap time so much today to should I google what a normal diaper rash looks like even though I’ve already done that a handful of times now?’ BUT you are more than just a mom, even though I hate that saying so much because being a mom doesn’t make you any more or less than anyone else and there is nothing wrong with being “just a mom” but that’s another blog post for a different rant day. You are your passions, you are someones spouse, someones daughter, best friend, stepmom, role model, business owner, etc. The days I squeeze in a quick yoga session and some reading or painting I fall asleep faster at night, I’m off my phone and I’m out of my head.  Yes there is always house work to be done and despite my theory that there is a time goblin eating away my hours each day making it impossible to get it all done there is not scientific data to support that. There is just me and my excuses.

I don’t want to wake up one day and be left with just my excuses, I’m not saying that my excuses will lead to my spouse leaving me and my kids hating me but honestly… it could. I spent a good chunk of my younger years making excuses for someone else and apparently I’m good at it because I slipped those jeans back on but this time I’m making the excuses for me. I know I’m not some horrible monster who neglects my children and treats my spouse like garbage but I’m only giving them 10% of me some days and that is NOT okay, just like it’s not okay to only give myself 10%.  Here’s my other big issue and after talking to other people it sounds like we all do this, I decide that I want to really focus on changing my life or a bad habit and do all this research. Follow people on Instagram to motivate me, start reading books and declare to Eric how I’m going to start changing my life. And I do, I really do…for like a month or two and then excuses slowly start sneaking back in and I find myself thinking ‘well he didn’t seem to care if I cooked or ordered in so why even cook?’ or ‘It’s not like I’ll ever be a famous painter or writer one day so why do it?’ How f*cked up is that?! Instead of going ‘you know it’s okay, you got a little lazy and lost sight but millions of people have been right where you’re at right now and they pushed through it and got back up.’

The thing with reading all these books to expand my way of thinking is I KNOW BETTER but I never really figured out how to do better. I still haven’t but I can now look at past relationships from friendships to family to love interest and see why someone is no longer apart of my life and how they drove others to leave them and it all leads straight to excuses. I got tired of hearing someone else’s excuses of why they keep going back to the same toxic relationship or hearing the same excuses of why someone couldn’t stay faithful or why it was so hard to keep a job, etc. And they all had an excuse. From; I cheated because I didn’t feel attractive in my relationship to I lost my job because so and so brought alcohol to work and I took a sip while on the clock but I didn’t bring the alcohol.  An excuse is just pushing to blame onto someone or something else instead of looking at ourselves and being honest about our downfalls.

I’ve already shown you a lot of my downfalls and I’m honestly not embarrassed by it at all, I actually feel really good being so raw with myself and others. I also really want to kick my excuse’s ass to the curb and start doing all the sh*t I say I want to do. To give you a little more insight on how good I am at making excuses here is a list of things I’ve always wanted to do but was just too “busy’ to do.

 

  • Play an instrument- I own a bass guitar, guitar, melodica and ukulele and can play none of them.
  • Learn French- Two Christmas’s ago my father got me french lessons for us to do together and I don’t even think I’ve downloaded it on to my new computer…that I got last Christmas.
  • Learn Sign language- Again my parent’s gifted us a book on teaching yourself how to sign and I looked at page one.
  • Get Certified in Chakracology- I’m again approaching the two year mark of not completing this even though I’ve almost answered all the questions for the final…
  • Become a certified yoga instructor- I’ve literally done nothing to accomplish this, absolutely nothing but it’s something I magically think will happen.
  • Publish something- I’ve submitted nothing to anyone ever.

 

I could list a few others but I think you get the point, so what now? I’ve literally made it public knowledge of my failures so what’s to stop me from making an excuse to keep avoiding doing these things? Nothing. There is nothing that can make me do the things I want to do except me. If someone forces me to do it I will end up making excuses up about why this person is not a good influence. Not because I’m crazy but because this is how the human mind works, there is literally hundreds of studies done on how basically our ego f*cks us over a lot. It doesn’t want to feel threatened, it does not want us to change because then our false self wont exist anymore, aka our ego wont exist. I don’t know about you but my ego is a bitch, she can make a good day bad within seconds. She can also convince me that everything is perfectly fine while deep down inside I know it’s not. She is basically my excuse making machine; Oh honey you’ve cook breakfast so you deserve to put your feet up and watch TV for three hours… Ya, she likes saying that one a lot.

So besides posting this and talking sh*t about myself and probably coming off as a nut bag I’m going to create a plan-I know I’ve created lots of plans before that I’ve never stuck to but this time I will and if I slip then I’ll keep trying and not let excuses run my world. Not only that I’ll share my journey on here and my Instagram feed (@spencerunlimited) so that if you decided that you too are tired of your excuse making ego and want to actually do stuff but realize there is no magic drink, food, pill or person that will make you do it you can at least see that someone (me) is right there next to you trying to figure it all out too.

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Hello again, It’s me…Spencer.

Where do I even begin… obviously it has been a few months since I’ve posted anything on here and there are multiple reasons why that I’m sure you yourself have gone through yourself. Lets start with the big thing that happened in January. 

Yep, we’re expecting our second little one in October and could not be more excited about it. If you recall in December I shared how we had started trying and thought we were going to have a wonderful Christmas morning announcement for our families only to be greeted with aunt flow over a week late… so I told myself to not stress it, let it happen and well, it happened because right before our trip to Idaho to see my family I had this urge to pull out a handy dandy test and check. I literally woke up, went to the bathroom and peed on the stick then crawled back into bed and told Eric that I took a test and was pretty sure it was negative but just had this urge to do it, he looked at me a little annoyed because those things aren’t exactly free BUT 5 minutes later I walked back into the bathroom and saw the positive pregnancy test. The next day I started my long journey of morning sickness. Which leads to my second reason I’ve been MIA, all day sickness and rapid weight loss was happening with this pregnancy and nothing all natural helped, my doctor, who is simply amazing compared to my last one, kept giving me samples of the only pill I trusted and worked but my insurance wouldn’t cover. Luckily it faded this week right as I near my 20 week mark just like he thought it would and I finally feel normal as long as I graze on food all day and chug water like there is no tomorrow. 

Now the other reason I’ve been MIA. Simply put, I’m in the process of growing-yes physically but more importantly spiritually, I’m not talking about religion I’m talking about expanding my mind and soul with all that there is in this wonderful world. I’ve been really getting back into my yoga and meditation, I’ve been trying to pick my studies back up–something I don’t talk about a lot but feel the only way I’ll succeed is if I’m truly honest with myself and all of you guys about it. I’m currently studying chakracology, I use to talk more about chakras and all my ‘hippy thoughts’ as my dad calls it but after weird comments shut that part of me down and only showed it to my family and close friends. My ultimate goal is to own a shop one day where I can help heal people with natural remedies and crystals and also sell the items I create. I see my kids playing in the background and my afternoons spent schooling them. I’m really learning who I am as I dive deeper into motherhood and myself. 

So with all of this going on I put blogging on the back burner because I wasn’t sure how everyone would react with me being 100% me and sharing my daily struggles. What I really want to focus on is honesty, I want my site to be honest. I want you to come here and read my posts and know it’s from the heart, I want you to feel comfortable to reach out and tell me about your bad days and your good ones. Or ask questions or give input (when asked, no one likes judgmental comments), I want to build a community where we can be us. In all our weirdness, wild ways and never feel judged. I realize I will lose some followers and friends with this new change in direction but I also know I will be gaining some new amazing ones.  Here is a few photos of what has been going on these last few months. Also please tell me if there is any topic you’d love for me to discuss more on here. 

XOXO,

Spencer

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“Hi Spencer I saw your post…” What I do when I receive these messages

First let me just say that if you work for any company or product where you sell things (ItWorks, Younique, Young Living, Beach Body, etc.) don’t think this post is about you UNLESS you do the following and if you do, do the following please be prepared for a rather sarcastic response from me. I would also like to point out that I sell young living, I have friends who are apart of ItWorks, Youngue and Beach Body and fully love and support them because they go about it THE RIGHT WAY. –Also please note it’s 6 am while I’m writing this and I may have just received my fourth message that start out like this…

 

‘Hi Spencer! I saw you post (they don’t reference which post which is a clear indication they didn’t actually read my post) and just wanted to tell you that if you’re tired of being –insert the following: tired, puffy skin, looking like a mombie, etc–then I have great news for you!’

There is generally more about where I can find out more information and to message them if I’m interested. I generally ignore or trash this messages because they aren’t genuine and I can tell that they are just copying and pasting the same message to multiple people without taking the time to really get to know me or to see if they even have a product I am interested in. As I mentioned before I have lots of awesome moms who do it the right way AND even if their product is not for me I will recommend them to fellow friends because I do trust them and I know they will take time out of their day to give each client a proper conversation and not be pushy.

Also my biggest pet peeve is that with these messages you basically make me feel like a pile of sh*t. So now I’m going to make sure you know that, it may sound harsh but there are women out there who don’t need that extra pressure that you unknowingly put on them. I’m lucky enough that for the most part I am confident in my appearance and when I want to change something I have a list of awesome boss moms who I will contact instead of these ‘Hi Spencer’ messages.

The point of my rant (see above) is this, if you are going to message someone about a product and copy and past a text without getting to know me or doing a little bit of research on me and make me feel like a pile of sh*t I’m going to reply back with sarcastic responses such as ‘Thank you for your message (I still have manners) however I love being a mombie with bags under my eyes and less than perfect beach body, I am sorry that my feed prompted you to take pity of me as a basic worn out house mom but I am pretty happy with my life and have to resources when needed to fix my current state of appearance when I want to.’

Okay that may be a little harsher than I will reply but honestly some days it might not be. If I would have received these messages right after having Ashton I honestly don’t think my hormone enraged self could handle it. Some days even now I can’t because I’m still adjusting to my new “mom bod” and breastfeeding as made my weight go up and down more than it did in high school BUT for the most part I’m okay with it because I have this cute squishy baby that made it all worth it. I’ll I’m saying is before you hit send really think if your approach is acceptable, look at it from their point of view, ask yourself if the text would make you feel down or bad about yourself and if it does, DON’T SEND IT.

Mini rant over! And to all my lades who do sell ItWorks, Beach Body, Yongique, Young Living, etc AND do it the right way, I love you guys!!!

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Hello 2017!

I know I’m not the only one trying to figure out where this year went, some days I forget I had a kid! Okay not really but it does feel like just yesterday I was pregnant and counting down the days till Ashton would be joining us. And yet here he is almost NINE months old!?!? I need a glass of wine just thinking about that… Lately I’ve been reflecting on who I am now vs. who I was before baby and even while I was pregnant. I realize overtime each year I’m a completely different person although my core values and personality stay the same. Two years ago I was obsessed with yoga, meditating, hiking and listening to records on repeat all weekend long while I attempted to remember what I learn in art class. A year ago I was still enjoying these things but I also was busy with weddings, baby bump photos and creating a home for our family. This year it was all about Ashton, lets be honest, he stole the show this year and has taken up 90% of our house’s attention. I tell him he’s lucky he’s cute.

Although I loved every day of ‘the year of Ashton’ I’m also excited to do big things in 2017 for me again. I know that you never really get your freedom back after having kids until they move out but even then you still will worry about them.  BUT my goal is to balance family and personal goals better this year. So to help keep my accountable and hopefully motivate anyone else to follow through with goals here is a few of mine for 2017.

Learn French: A few years ago my mom got my pa and me Rosetta Stone to learn French together and lets just say neither of us have done a thing but download it… SO my goal is to start practicing it for at least 30 minutes, 3-4 days a week this year. I know life happens so I feel that 3-4 days a week will be more than doable.

Finish my Chakra training: I enrolled in classes before I got pregnant (yes BEFORE!) and still haven’t finished my training. I found so many excuses and reasons not to this year that I eventually put all my school work in a box and just ignored it.

Expand the Shop: As most of you know I own a shop with my awesome mom and we create handmade jewelry as well as baby and toddler accessories. I love seeing how far we have came in the short time we’ve been open but I know we can do more. We are already in the works of switching to a new website and adding a new line to the chaos that is us and I’m so excited to bring more of my passions to the shop for everyone to enjoy.

Mindfulness: This is a BIG one for me, I want to bring mindfulness back into our house and stay consistent with it. I go in spurts where I meditate with the boys, practice yoga and journal but nothing is consistent. Since Jordan is from a split family it is especially important to create a calm, peaceful environment as well as help him understand the emotions he is feeling. So I’m hoping to create some sort of routine that we can do to help calm his social anxieties as well as help me keep a peaceful attitude towards each day.

Education: Another big thing I’m wanting to bring into our house is education,  we plan on homeschooling Ashton and any future kids and are hoping to one day do the same for Jordan. We are already seeing him slip through the cracks at his current school and as a parent it is rather frustrating and heart breaking since he is such a bright child. This topic is a hard one since I am only his step mom and can only fight for so much when it comes to his well being, however I can still help him when he is with us so I want to create a curriculum that we do at home together to make sure he doesn’t get lost in the school systems. (Any fellow homeschooling moms I would love tips and support information on this!)

Finally the last big thing I want to work on in 2017 is letting go of stress, doubt and fear. Those three things have held me back from doing the items listed above plus 20 other things. I’ve read handfuls of books and articles that have helped me get the courage to even start this blog and now I need to utilize the tools I have and create the life I’ve always wanted.

What are you goals for 2017? How are you going to create your best year yet?

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My extra emotional Christmas

The holiday season has been extra emotional this year. With it being Ashton’s first Christmas, my first Christmas without my extended family and the first Christmas without my great grandmother who passed earlier this year. The cherry on top of my emotional holiday season is I thought I was pregnant again…

We’ve been trying to expand our family the last couple of months and this month I was late. I tried not to get too excited because I know that your cycle changes a lot after baby, also conceiving while breastfeeding lowers your chances and having two kids make intimate time next to impossible, so I TRIED not to get excited, but I did. I put all my excitement into the possibility of it happening, we even agreed to wait and take a test on Christmas morning because how special would that be and what an amazing memory.

Then the night before Christmas Eve my lovely monthly friend showed up…I broke down and cried in the bathroom until I heard the kids laughing and pulled myself back together. I sent a text to Eric even though we were in the same room and told him not to bring it up because I did not want to be an emotional mess in front of the boys.

While the boys were busy playing and Eric was getting his ‘nerd on’ I tried to distract myself by scrolling through social media–worst idea ever. I was happy to see so many pregnancy announcements and all the beautiful growing bumps but oh my gosh did my heart ache at the same time. I reminded myself to look at each announcement and picture and let it fill me with hope for us. I know it will happen when it’s suppose to, I know it’s harder now that it was when we tried for Ashton and I know that I need to start weaning Ashton to help my chances but I’m also not ready to let go of that yet. It’s such a special bond for us and when we are both ready it will happen. For now I’m just going to trust my body and the universe and just relax. The boys are only this age for such a short time so I need to enjoy it while I can. 

All of us on Christmas Day 2016

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