I have written and re-written this post several times now trying to figure out how to not receive negative comments, but frankly I realize that’s not possible. When I left my small hometown I never dreamed I’d come back to raise a family there, but here we are gearing up to move there and hopefully get ahead in life again. Now this decision was especially hard because of Jordan–our sweet, sensitive little boy whom we share 50/50 with his mom currently. We’ve toyed with the idea of moving for almost 2 years now and after many long nights of discussions decided that it really will be the best thing for our WHOLE family. Before I get too much more into this I need to address a few comments we’ve already have directed at us thus far:
‘How can you just abandon Jordan like that?’–We are NOT abandoning Jordan, we have been fighting for him and hoped he would be making the big move with us but things don’t always work out how you want it to, so we are going with plan B. We have literally mapped out a way to still get to see him 50% of the time. We have calendars filled with red mark of who’s house he will be at and for how long and who is in charge of transportation. We’ve already figured out a way to fly us to him or him to us monthly plus breaks, summer and holidays. We will make sure he knows that we are not leaving him but that we are trying to create a better life for him and us and the one we are currently living now is not what we want him and his brothers to think is normal.
‘Who’s going to take care of Jordan?’–…..He has a mother, she has helped raise him thus far and even if our parenting styles are not similar she is his mother AND once again he will still be staying with us on our time.
‘Did you even think about Jordan before making this decision?’— Of course we did!! Jordan spends more time with me than either of his biological parents so this subject is very near and dear to my heart. Of course we thought about him, but we also realized it’s better to show him to fight for a better life then live in a depressing state. (I’ll explain more on this in a bit) I have broken down crying while packing up boxes because he was my first child, he made me a mom first and it kills me to think about all the things we will miss out on but I know this is the right choice.
There has been a few other comments but these three are the main ones we get and the ones that really bug me. I’ve cried over this and even prayed for a sign that this is the right thing to do because of course we worry. We worry something with happen and we won’t be here for him, we worry that someone bad may come into his life and we won’t be there to protect him, we worry that he won’t go to a good school, eat healthy food, like his clothes, etc. WE ARE HIS PARENTS, we worry about everything with him just like we do with Ashton and soon Poppyseed.
Here’s the other thing, we only have a one year plan for our move, our goal is to go to Idaho, live with my parents, tackle debt then reassess our situation. IF things are not going well there or here for Jordan we will do what is right for ALL of us. Right now we are both paying off debt that was collected during our previous marriages, student loans and of course regular bills. In order to do this I work from home because daycare cost too much and we have ZERO family here to help out; so Eric works 10-12 hour days, which means even on the weeks we have Jordan he doesn’t get to see him except for when he wakes up and goes to bed, if that. This is also the only time Eric gets to see me or Ashton. Not only that, he works in a job that leaves him drained and unsatisfied, we make enough money to get by and nothing else. We ask for memberships to local Zoo’s and Parks as gifts, that way we can afford to take the kids out but the reality is our kids are stuck inside a tiny two bedroom apartment watching their parents struggle to survive.
We were given the opportunity to get ahead. There is a job lined up for Eric once we get there, where he will make the same amount of money but work less AND get weekends off. There’s also space, time and support for me to grow my home business as well as possibly open a physical shop to sell our products. There is a support system of grand parents, aunts, uncles and friends to help with our growing family AND help us go on a date–we have gone on ONE, yes O N E date since having Ashton. Our second date night was on his one year birthday and only because my parents flew in to Arizona.
What all this also means is a better family life for us. Yes all of us, including Jordan because now the time we do have with him, he will get to actually see his dad and go do fun things with us and see what it’s like for us all to be happy and not worn out and irritated. We are making sacrifices now to better us later. It’s scary and at times makes me want to puke but I trust Eric’s decision to move us, I trust that this is all happening for a reason and I trust that this really is the best thing for ALL of us.
By moving we have the opportunity to make more money, pay off debt, have a support system, get better family time, get better one on one time, and show our kids that life isn’t about working at a crappy job and hating life. So before you start making us feel bad about our choice know that it was not an easy choice to make and that your comments are not welcomed. We hope that it all ends up working out in our favor and we get him full time but realize that may never happen. And at the one year mark of our move plan to sit down and decide if we made the right choice or if we need to move back.
Tags: big move, motherhood, step mom, step parent