Let’s talk Sh*t about ourselves, than never do it again.
Raise your hand if you want to be happy, healthy, successful, a great mom, wife, friend, etc. We all have things we want to be but… sometimes we don’t want to put in the work to do it. I know I don’t, yep that’s right, I am a lazy sh*t sometimes and want to do all these things but without having to do any work. Now this isn’t true all the time but damn do I make good excuses to not do stuff.
‘I hate cooking because our kitchen is so small and Ashton wants to be in there with me and I have to clean while I cook…’ Seriously. You have an effing kitchen with food in your fridge, a light weight highchair that you said would be perfect for ‘when I’m trying to cook, I can just put him in it and let him watch and snack’ and a freaking dishwasher that as long as you unloaded it in the morning like you said you would do-seriously do what you said you were going to do-then you have zero reasons not to cook and feed yourself and your family.
To my passions:
‘I can never write, paint or read because there is always house work, Ashton needs me, Jordan needs me, I’m hungry or too tired. I never have time to do my lessons or work on my two year goals because who’s going to do the laundry and cook (okay girl you just made a list of reason why you can’t cook and now you’re using cooking as an excuse…) If I stay up late working on the things I want to do then I don’t get to sleep or take baths.’ Now let’s be realistic Spencer… you wash your hair once a week, if that and even though you say every day “I need to take a bath tonight to wind down baby”- to Eric not yourself- you end up sitting on the sofa putting off doing the dishes and binge watching TV shows that you have literally seen so many times you could probably quote them word for word and then go ‘oh it’s too late for a bath now guess it’s time for bed.’ where you again lay there and watch more shows you’ve already seen or play on your phone because you can’t fall asleep… But wait! You just said you’re too tired to do any of the things you are actually passionate about and truly love doing but you can sit there in bed and let your eye glaze over listening to Barney talk about his latest addition to the playbook. To give yourself some credit yes you are tired because you are a mom now and face it moms don’t sleep, we’re always thinking of random crap that really doesn’t matter from ‘why did he fight nap time so much today to should I google what a normal diaper rash looks like even though I’ve already done that a handful of times now?’ BUT you are more than just a mom, even though I hate that saying so much because being a mom doesn’t make you any more or less than anyone else and there is nothing wrong with being “just a mom” but that’s another blog post for a different rant day. You are your passions, you are someones spouse, someones daughter, best friend, stepmom, role model, business owner, etc. The days I squeeze in a quick yoga session and some reading or painting I fall asleep faster at night, I’m off my phone and I’m out of my head. Yes there is always house work to be done and despite my theory that there is a time goblin eating away my hours each day making it impossible to get it all done there is not scientific data to support that. There is just me and my excuses.
I don’t want to wake up one day and be left with just my excuses, I’m not saying that my excuses will lead to my spouse leaving me and my kids hating me but honestly… it could. I spent a good chunk of my younger years making excuses for someone else and apparently I’m good at it because I slipped those jeans back on but this time I’m making the excuses for me. I know I’m not some horrible monster who neglects my children and treats my spouse like garbage but I’m only giving them 10% of me some days and that is NOT okay, just like it’s not okay to only give myself 10%. Here’s my other big issue and after talking to other people it sounds like we all do this, I decide that I want to really focus on changing my life or a bad habit and do all this research. Follow people on Instagram to motivate me, start reading books and declare to Eric how I’m going to start changing my life. And I do, I really do…for like a month or two and then excuses slowly start sneaking back in and I find myself thinking ‘well he didn’t seem to care if I cooked or ordered in so why even cook?’ or ‘It’s not like I’ll ever be a famous painter or writer one day so why do it?’ How f*cked up is that?! Instead of going ‘you know it’s okay, you got a little lazy and lost sight but millions of people have been right where you’re at right now and they pushed through it and got back up.’
The thing with reading all these books to expand my way of thinking is I KNOW BETTER but I never really figured out how to do better. I still haven’t but I can now look at past relationships from friendships to family to love interest and see why someone is no longer apart of my life and how they drove others to leave them and it all leads straight to excuses. I got tired of hearing someone else’s excuses of why they keep going back to the same toxic relationship or hearing the same excuses of why someone couldn’t stay faithful or why it was so hard to keep a job, etc. And they all had an excuse. From; I cheated because I didn’t feel attractive in my relationship to I lost my job because so and so brought alcohol to work and I took a sip while on the clock but I didn’t bring the alcohol. An excuse is just pushing to blame onto someone or something else instead of looking at ourselves and being honest about our downfalls.
I’ve already shown you a lot of my downfalls and I’m honestly not embarrassed by it at all, I actually feel really good being so raw with myself and others. I also really want to kick my excuse’s ass to the curb and start doing all the sh*t I say I want to do. To give you a little more insight on how good I am at making excuses here is a list of things I’ve always wanted to do but was just too “busy’ to do.
- Play an instrument- I own a bass guitar, guitar, melodica and ukulele and can play none of them.
- Learn French- Two Christmas’s ago my father got me french lessons for us to do together and I don’t even think I’ve downloaded it on to my new computer…that I got last Christmas.
- Learn Sign language- Again my parent’s gifted us a book on teaching yourself how to sign and I looked at page one.
- Get Certified in Chakracology- I’m again approaching the two year mark of not completing this even though I’ve almost answered all the questions for the final…
- Become a certified yoga instructor- I’ve literally done nothing to accomplish this, absolutely nothing but it’s something I magically think will happen.
- Publish something- I’ve submitted nothing to anyone ever.
I could list a few others but I think you get the point, so what now? I’ve literally made it public knowledge of my failures so what’s to stop me from making an excuse to keep avoiding doing these things? Nothing. There is nothing that can make me do the things I want to do except me. If someone forces me to do it I will end up making excuses up about why this person is not a good influence. Not because I’m crazy but because this is how the human mind works, there is literally hundreds of studies done on how basically our ego f*cks us over a lot. It doesn’t want to feel threatened, it does not want us to change because then our false self wont exist anymore, aka our ego wont exist. I don’t know about you but my ego is a bitch, she can make a good day bad within seconds. She can also convince me that everything is perfectly fine while deep down inside I know it’s not. She is basically my excuse making machine; Oh honey you’ve cook breakfast so you deserve to put your feet up and watch TV for three hours… Ya, she likes saying that one a lot.
So besides posting this and talking sh*t about myself and probably coming off as a nut bag I’m going to create a plan-I know I’ve created lots of plans before that I’ve never stuck to but this time I will and if I slip then I’ll keep trying and not let excuses run my world. Not only that I’ll share my journey on here and my Instagram feed (@spencerunlimited) so that if you decided that you too are tired of your excuse making ego and want to actually do stuff but realize there is no magic drink, food, pill or person that will make you do it you can at least see that someone (me) is right there next to you trying to figure it all out too.