I yelled at my son but I’m still a good mom.
Rai and Ashton
Yesterday was rough. Actually to be really honest yesterday wasn’t rough it was freaking hard. My sweet Ashton was not himself. It was a day of constant whining and crying. I’d pick him up and he would cry, I’d put him down and he would cry. I’d cook food, he’d cry, put the food away and you guessed it he’d cry. I put teething oil on his gums it hopes that maybe he was fussy due to one of the many teeth he’s getting in but he still was upset. He’d have glimpses of normalcy but then something as simple as his bottle being empty or his sock still being on would send him over the edge. He took his morning nap with a fight and it wasn’t long by any means so I attempted a car ride because that usually cures both boys when they’re fussy and he instead cried the whole drive. By 4 pm I was done, I sat there crying while my baby tried to nurse but couldn’t due to the toddler pulling on him and me and I felt it bubbling up. I felt myself getting tingly with angry and I heard myself yell ‘Ashton stop crying or go to your room! I’ve had enough!’ of course Ashton being Ashton he went to his room and cried louder but I was still fuming so I tucked him into bed and in a grumpy voice told him to go to bed. It took all my energy to not slam the door behind me.
Then after I took a few deep breathes I looked on his monitor to see him cuddling his stuffed owl sound asleep. Immediately I felt guilty, ‘I should have tried harder to get him to nap again’ is the first thing I thought but the thing is I did try, I tried several times just like I tried all day to soothe him and am only human as my friend Lindsay pointed out. And I don’t know about you but the second a fellow mama tells me she’s been there or is there right next to you in the trenches of motherhood I feel a thousand times better. I realize some one will read this and think how horrible I am for yelling at my son and I’m sure I’ll get a few negative comments that I will happily delete because I’m not sharing this for you, I’m sharing this for the mom out there having a bad day just like I was. For the mom crying in her room while her kid(s) yell and cry at them or the mom circling their block for the tenth time praying for a nap. You are the reason I share my honest motherhood moments because I’m sure just like me you just need to hear you are not alone and that you are only human.