My extra emotional Christmas

The holiday season has been extra emotional this year. With it being Ashton’s first Christmas, my first Christmas without my extended family and the first Christmas without my great grandmother who passed earlier this year. The cherry on top of my emotional holiday season is I thought I was pregnant again…

We’ve been trying to expand our family the last couple of months and this month I was late. I tried not to get too excited because I know that your cycle changes a lot after baby, also conceiving while breastfeeding lowers your chances and having two kids make intimate time next to impossible, so I TRIED not to get excited, but I did. I put all my excitement into the possibility of it happening, we even agreed to wait and take a test on Christmas morning because how special would that be and what an amazing memory.

Then the night before Christmas Eve my lovely monthly friend showed up…I broke down and cried in the bathroom until I heard the kids laughing and pulled myself back together. I sent a text to Eric even though we were in the same room and told him not to bring it up because I did not want to be an emotional mess in front of the boys.

While the boys were busy playing and Eric was getting his ‘nerd on’ I tried to distract myself by scrolling through social media–worst idea ever. I was happy to see so many pregnancy announcements and all the beautiful growing bumps but oh my gosh did my heart ache at the same time. I reminded myself to look at each announcement and picture and let it fill me with hope for us. I know it will happen when it’s suppose to, I know it’s harder now that it was when we tried for Ashton and I know that I need to start weaning Ashton to help my chances but I’m also not ready to let go of that yet. It’s such a special bond for us and when we are both ready it will happen. For now I’m just going to trust my body and the universe and just relax. The boys are only this age for such a short time so I need to enjoy it while I can. 

All of us on Christmas Day 2016

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I Was a Bad Mom Today and Will be Tomorrow…

Okay first off if you haven’t seen the movie Bad Mom staring my girl crush Mila Kunis you need to do it, trust me! I’ve watched this movie going on 5 times now and I will probably watch it another again before 2016 is over. Crush crushes aside this movie made me feel good about being a bad mom. 

Basically there are so many rules and expectation for us moms now that it’s impossible to keep up or do it all. Some how we aresuppose to vaccinate our kids but not vaccinate them, feed them organic all natural food but allow them to have cookies and candy whenever they want, discipline our kids but don’t discipline them TOO much aka don’t spank them or slap their hand in public or you’ll be turned in, breastfeed them but not in public and if you do give a bottle heavens forbid it’s formula because clearly you don’t care about your kid if you’re feeding it… please tell me you getting my sarcasm here.

Needless to say it’s really easy to be classified as a bad mom these days and I was guilty of worrying about it. I’m a breastfeeding mom who disciplines our kids, I cook mostly organic food for our kids but I also order in…a lot and you best believe I buy pre-made cookie dough and have candy in my house because mama needs sugar. My house is always half cleaned, my “work clothes” are whatever I fell asleep in the night before and some how I do laundry daily but someone’s favorite shorts or shirt never make it in a load. 

Today I was a bad mom because I made our 5 year old throw away his stickers he had just gotten two days ago as a gift. Yep, I’m such a b*tch or at least I’m sure he thought that, except I like to believe he’s fool ???(remove) language isn’t that advanced and I was more of a doo doo head. Lets back pedal a little on why we ended up with stickers in the trash and tears before 9 am. Along with the stickers the boys got race cars to share and we’re still working on sharing somedays in this house. I usually start with a warning when I see the oldest take both cars away and try and sneak off, it’s something like “Buddy…where are you going?” followed by “nowhere…” “why’d you take your brothers car away?” “He gave it to me.” Ugh toddler lies. Even though I just watched him walk over and take the car away from his brother I calmly explain that it didn’t look like his little brother gave it to him and that he needs to share. Followed by my new go to “if your brother took away all your toys how will you feel?” Of course this works for a few minutes but soon it happens again, plus Ashton’s a  (remove) crying is usually a good sounding alarm that someone took his toy. By his third warning Jordan is sent to sit in his room on his chair and think about why he feels he needs all the toys and doesn’t want to share. This honestly works better than I thought it would however not always.

Now lets get to the stickers, while I cooked breakfast and fed Ashton his pureed carrots before nap time I asked Jordan to play in his room so that I could see him while I cooked and so he’d stay away from the hot stove. He asked to play with his new coloring book and stickers-God I hate STICKERS!- so we did a refresh of sticker rules; Do not stick them on anything or anyone without asking. Stick the stickers in the sticker book and no where else. 

Alas I put Ashton down for his nap and go to get Jordan for breakfast and my heart broke. I had to pull out bad mom me before 9 amalready? Damn…. Stickers cover him and his table and chair. I ask what the rules are with stickers and I can see it in his eyes he is in trouble. So following along with the rules he then had to take each sticker off his chair, table and self and throw them all away. Of course there was tears and the dread shaky voice of ‘why?’ and the answer is always changing but comes down to this. I want to raise kids that respect the things they own, that know the value of materialistic things and don’t take them for granted. My parents did this with me and I think that is one reason why I take so much pride in the little amount of stuff we have. We are in no means rich, we classify more with the poor, paycheck to paycheck class so buying tons of toys for our kids isn’t realistic, plus they don’t need that many toys. 

Yesterday I was a bad mom because I slapped Ashton’s hand to teach him ‘No’ means don’t touch. Yes it breaks my mom heart when after the third slap he cries out of frustration but on the flip side I don’t want to have to get rid of everything in our house. I also don’t want him trying to eat Christmas lights or pine cones…. BUT as much as it breaks my heart to do all of this guess what, I say No and Ashton stops now, admittedly he still grabs it after he looks at me and laughs but we’re getting there. Jordan later asked to play with a different sticker book and said ‘I won’t put them on the table or chair only my book’.

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My Baby has a Sixth Sense

No he doesn’t see dead people but he does know when I’m about to do something for me and only me. If I pour myself a nice relaxing bubble bath with candles, music and maybe a glass of wine he lets me get in, get comfortable and THEN decides he needs me and only me. Enter co-bathing. 

Everyone knows that moms eat last, it’s like a right of passage when that when you become a mom you ultimately end up eating scraps or cold food. I have tried eating while I nurse or play with him but it usually ends up with food all over us and the floor and leads to another co-bath. 

Eric has even caught on to our sons antics and has asked him why he’s trying to deprive me of food and a relaxing bath but alas Ashton has no answer. He just wants me when he wants me. Funny enough when I want him he’s too busy growing up before my eyes to let me hold him or get a cuddle session in after I nurse him. 

I realize soon my food will always be hot and I’ll be the one bugging him with phones calls and asking when he’s going to visit me and his dad again. And yes that breaks my heart to think one day he wont need me as much as he does now but in honor of the holiday spirit, all I want for Christmas is a long, quite bubble bath with endless champagne.

Does your baby have a sixth sense too? 

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Ashton’s Eight Months

When they say that motherhood goes by quickly they weren’t lying! Some how my little peanut is eight months old now!! AND I’m already having those dreaded ‘don’t grow up’ moments. He’s army crawling all around our house now and when we say mama to him he says it back (tear) we’ve also been working on dada and he’s now saying it off and on too. He is FINALLY eating food-peas and sweet potatoes that I prepare only so far and admittedly he hated his first few bowl movements and I secretly found it super cute because he’d cry and either crawl to my feet and pull on my pants to be picked up or roll on to his back and put his hands up and go ‘ma ma ma ma’ just so I could hold him while he sucked his finger thumb as we call it, (he puts his thumb and pointer finger in his mouth and sucks it) while he relieves himself. Yes I realize to a normal person it sounds strange to enjoy the fact that your baby wants you to hold them while they poop but I like it because I’m still his safe zone, even if he’s scared of his poop. Also! You talk about poop a lot more once they go on solid foods-new moms, be prepared for this! 

Ashton is still sleeping through the night and naps happen every other day around here now. We find he’s always wanting to learn something new so it’s been tricky keeping him entertained some days. He also babbles ALL the time now to his toys which any mom can tell you is the cutest thing ever next to sibling cuddles or cuddles in general-seriously why are they so fun to cuddle!? He’s loving all the Christmas lights and being able to play with his older brother and he smiles so hard he falls over plus it’s one of those full body smiles where you can see every muscle tighten up with excitement.

Honestly motherhood is nothing what I pictured it to be but these eight months have been nothing short of amazing and exhausting, but the good kind of exhaustion. 




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Chore Calendar

Guys…I had a bad case of the lazys, (pretend that’s a word) like real bad. Okay it probably wasn’t as bad as it could have been but being a stay at home more some days it’s hard to get out of my pajamas and pick up the house. Now that Ashton is moving around I feel like I’m constantly cleaning and picking up and getting nothing done. Soon it would be bedtime and I’d have a sink and counter full of dishes, a living room looking like a blanket tornado went through it and our bedroom being the catch all. Worst of all I’m usually a clean freak, everything has a home or place and I would spend my weekend deep cleaning my place. So all the clutter was really wearing me down, more so than a realized.

I read about needing a routine when you’re a stay at home mom but with having one son part time and the other full time it’s hard to really create a solid routine. So I thought lets start from the bottom and work our way up. Enter a chore calendar, right now it’s more of a cleaning calendar but I plan to add and tweak things as I figure out this whole motherhood thing. What I did first was write down the things that bug me or interfere/interrupt a good day. It came down to a messing living room, running late because I’m making lunches and a trashed kitchen. Since our kitchen is super small the simplest meals create a big clean up. What I did next was went through my kitchen and organized it so that I knew where everything was, I also made things that I grab daily easier to get to and made an inventory of what I had on hand so that I can plan our meals and pick up missing ingredients. (this will be covered more in my post about meal planning that I am now also trying out and will post soon here.) 

The last two things I did before creating my list was organize our living room and bedroom. I rearranged things that were not making the house function and I’m still currently testing out places to put things that are used daily like my sling, bobby and carrier that aren’t the easiest to store without being tossed on an empty chair. Now I made my list I broke it down to what I want to try and do daily, weekly and once a month. 

Here is what my Chore Calendar looks like, I have it posted on my fridge so I see it first thing when I’m making my coffee and at the end of the day when I’m grabbing my water for bed. 


 *I do I wipe down of the showers every week and a good scrub monthly. 

I’ve only done this a few days and I can honestly say I’m loving it! There’s a big stress lifted off my shoulder, also I like not having to feel like I’m cleaning in circles. Yesterday I actually got to enjoy time relaxing in the morning with Eric on his day off, since I planned a crock pot dinner I tossed it in before we ventured to the lake and tried out our new inflatable kayak. BEST part was when we came home I wasn’t overwhelmed with a cluttered messy house and while I was unpacking from our journey I knew where everything needed to go. Yes there is still some areas that need some help and yes I have a corner of my house that is still a catch all but it’s way better and I’m slowly finding homes for all the items. Do you do a chore calendar? Have your created one for your toddler?

Here’s a picture of the boys at the lake. All the heart eyes right?!

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