Our Big Move

I have written and re-written this post several times now trying to figure out how to not receive negative comments, but frankly I realize that’s not possible. When I left my small hometown I never dreamed I’d come back to raise a family there, but here we are gearing up to move there and hopefully get ahead in life again. Now this decision was especially hard because of Jordan–our sweet, sensitive little boy whom we share 50/50 with his mom currently. We’ve toyed with the idea of moving for almost 2 years now and after many long nights of discussions decided that it really will be the best thing for our WHOLE family. Before I get too much more into this I need to address a few comments we’ve already have directed at us thus far:

‘How can you just abandon Jordan like that?’–We are NOT abandoning Jordan, we have been fighting for him and hoped he would be making the big move with us but things don’t always work out how you want it to, so we are going with plan B. We have literally mapped out a way to still get to see him 50% of the time. We have calendars filled with red mark of who’s house he will be at and for how long and who is in charge of transportation.  We’ve already figured out a way to fly us to him or him to us monthly plus breaks, summer and holidays. We will make sure he knows that we are not leaving him but that we are trying to create a better life for him and us and the one we are currently living now is not what we want him and his brothers to think is normal.

‘Who’s going to take care of Jordan?’–…..He has a mother, she has helped raise him thus far and even if our parenting styles are not similar she is his mother AND once again he will still be staying with us on our time.

‘Did you even think about Jordan before making this decision?’— Of course we did!! Jordan spends more time with me than either of his biological parents so this subject is very near and dear to my heart. Of course we thought about him, but we also realized it’s better to show him to fight for a better life then live in a depressing state. (I’ll explain more on this in a bit) I have broken down crying while packing up boxes because he was my first child, he made me a mom first and it kills me to think about all the things we will miss out on but I know this is the right choice.

 

 

There has been a few other comments but these three are the main ones we get and the ones that really bug me. I’ve cried over this and even prayed for a sign that this is the right thing to do because of course we worry. We worry something with happen and we won’t be here for him, we worry that someone bad may come into his life and we won’t be there to protect him, we worry that he won’t go to a good school, eat healthy food, like his clothes, etc. WE ARE HIS PARENTS, we worry about everything with him just like we do with Ashton and soon Poppyseed.

Here’s the other thing, we only have a one year plan for our move, our goal is to go to Idaho, live with my parents, tackle debt then reassess our situation. IF things are not going well there or here for Jordan we will do what is right for ALL of us. Right now we are both paying off debt that was collected during our previous marriages, student loans and of course regular bills. In order to do this I work from home because daycare cost too much and we have ZERO family here to help out; so Eric works 10-12 hour days, which means even on the weeks we have Jordan he doesn’t get to see him except for when he wakes up and goes to bed, if that. This is also the only time Eric gets to see me or Ashton.  Not only that, he works in a job that leaves him drained and unsatisfied, we make enough money to get by and nothing else. We ask for memberships to local Zoo’s and Parks as gifts, that way we can afford to take the kids out but the reality is our kids are stuck inside a tiny two bedroom apartment watching their parents struggle to survive.

We were given the opportunity to get ahead.  There is a job lined up for Eric once we get there, where he will make the same amount of money but work less AND get weekends off. There’s also space, time and support for me to grow my home business as well as possibly open a physical shop to sell our products. There is a support system of grand parents, aunts, uncles and friends to help with our growing family AND help us go on a date–we have gone on ONE, yes O N E date since having Ashton. Our second date night was on his one year birthday and only because my parents flew in to Arizona.

What all this also means is a better family life for us.  Yes all of us, including Jordan because now the time we do have with him, he will get to actually see his dad and go do fun things with us and see what it’s like for us all to be happy and not worn out and irritated. We are making sacrifices now to better us later. It’s scary and at times makes me want to puke but I trust Eric’s decision to move us, I trust that this is all happening for a reason and I trust that this really is the best thing for ALL of us.

By moving we have the opportunity to make more money, pay off debt, have a support system, get better family time, get better one on one time, and show our kids that life isn’t about working at a crappy job and hating life.  So before you start making us feel bad about our choice know that it was not an easy choice to make and that your comments are not welcomed. We hope that it all ends up working out in our favor and we get him full time but realize that may never happen. And at the one year mark of our move plan to sit down and decide if we made the right choice or if we need to move back.

XoXo,

Spencer

 

 

 

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What I started doing everyday that helped boost my motivation and confidence.

It’s crazy to think that I’ve been a SAHM now for over a year, I remember loving the corporate hustle. If I was given a deadline that seemed unreachable I also reached it, it honestly made me feel like I had a purpose in life. Then I slowly realized that yes, having a job is very important but I don’t plan on spending the rest of my life coming home to my job and sleeping next to it every night. For starters I wanted a family, I wanted kids and to go on adventures and grow old with the person that I love.

As you’ve probably read in previous post I was laid of while on maternity leave with our first born, something that wasn’t planned but we had talked about was me becoming a SAHM it just happened a lot faster than we planned but we rolled with it. At first I loved it! I loved waking up when I wanted to, enjoying hot cups of coffee and oh wait… that’s right I had a newborn. 😉 My ma stayed with us for almost a month after Ashton was born and it was great, I thought to myself ‘Ya I got this, I can totally raise a newborn, take care of my stepson, run the household and be a good spouse while I running a stay at home business and blog.’ And I tried to, I would spend all day looking for freelance jobs, blogging, cleaning, cooking, cleaning poppy butts and pumping, don’t forget that glorious pumping and for a few months it worked.

Then I slowly stopped blogging as much, some days I wouldn’t even touch my craft table or laptop and I just sat and nursed, ate, pumped and shuttled my step son to and from school. No I wasn’t depressed but I was defiantly missing something. After a while I would get fed up with myself and make these vows that I would be motivated again, I’d stop making excuses, (you can read about all my good excuses here) and I’d do it all again.

No matter what I did I kept slipping back into my sofa induced coma and just survived each day. The other day it finally clicked, the days that I’m productive, feel confident about myself, speak without my voice shaking and don’t make a million excuses as to why I can’t do something were the days I got ready for the day within an hour of waking up. I know silly right? But it’s true, being a SAHM it’s so easy to stay in our comfiest clothes, order in and put the cleaning off till later because there no one there to judge us or make us feel bad, except ourselves of course. Now I’m not saying that you need to get dressed and put together like you’re going into a corporate meeting or about to pose for a cover of a magazine, I mean you can if you want to but I’m talking about simply putting on real clothes -I count leggings and real clothes- and throwing on a little mascara or lipstick or even blush, whatever makes you feel awake and ready for the day. For me it’s mascara, I feel like it wakes me up and when I don’t put it on I feel asleep all day.

Plus added bonus, when your spouse comes home you don’t feel like a slob and for me, I feel sexy. Even though he gets home late and by then I’m back in pj’s I felt good about myself all day so when he walks through the door and says ‘Hi beautiful’ I don’t immediately reply with something like ‘I look like crap’, ‘I haven’t showered’, or ‘what are you talking about there spit up on my shirt’. Even if those things are true because lets face it moms can go a few days without showering and when there is a baby involved there is always spit up somewhere, I do feel beautiful, I took care of myself that day even if it sounds like a superficial way to do it but I did. When I walked by a mirror all day I didn’t think ‘God Spencer get it together.’ I would instead think ‘I really like my eye shadow today’ or ‘My hair is getting so long and pretty.’ What we think and say about ourselves can really effect us, more than we realize. Self talk is my worst enemy so if putting on a little mascara, a layer of dry shampoo and clean clothes will silence my self talk for the most part then I’ll do it. Doing this daily habit has also led me to add other seemingly normal things back into my life. Like brushing my teeth first thing in the am and not after I had my coffee… or lunch. Taking my vitamins daily and rolling out my yoga mat.

What is something that you can do or do, do daily that helps you feel confident and motivated? Are you like me and need to get dressed and slap some quick makeup on to feel ready for the day or do you prefer to workout and chug a protein shake?

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Hello again, It’s me…Spencer.

Where do I even begin… obviously it has been a few months since I’ve posted anything on here and there are multiple reasons why that I’m sure you yourself have gone through yourself. Lets start with the big thing that happened in January. 

Yep, we’re expecting our second little one in October and could not be more excited about it. If you recall in December I shared how we had started trying and thought we were going to have a wonderful Christmas morning announcement for our families only to be greeted with aunt flow over a week late… so I told myself to not stress it, let it happen and well, it happened because right before our trip to Idaho to see my family I had this urge to pull out a handy dandy test and check. I literally woke up, went to the bathroom and peed on the stick then crawled back into bed and told Eric that I took a test and was pretty sure it was negative but just had this urge to do it, he looked at me a little annoyed because those things aren’t exactly free BUT 5 minutes later I walked back into the bathroom and saw the positive pregnancy test. The next day I started my long journey of morning sickness. Which leads to my second reason I’ve been MIA, all day sickness and rapid weight loss was happening with this pregnancy and nothing all natural helped, my doctor, who is simply amazing compared to my last one, kept giving me samples of the only pill I trusted and worked but my insurance wouldn’t cover. Luckily it faded this week right as I near my 20 week mark just like he thought it would and I finally feel normal as long as I graze on food all day and chug water like there is no tomorrow. 

Now the other reason I’ve been MIA. Simply put, I’m in the process of growing-yes physically but more importantly spiritually, I’m not talking about religion I’m talking about expanding my mind and soul with all that there is in this wonderful world. I’ve been really getting back into my yoga and meditation, I’ve been trying to pick my studies back up–something I don’t talk about a lot but feel the only way I’ll succeed is if I’m truly honest with myself and all of you guys about it. I’m currently studying chakracology, I use to talk more about chakras and all my ‘hippy thoughts’ as my dad calls it but after weird comments shut that part of me down and only showed it to my family and close friends. My ultimate goal is to own a shop one day where I can help heal people with natural remedies and crystals and also sell the items I create. I see my kids playing in the background and my afternoons spent schooling them. I’m really learning who I am as I dive deeper into motherhood and myself. 

So with all of this going on I put blogging on the back burner because I wasn’t sure how everyone would react with me being 100% me and sharing my daily struggles. What I really want to focus on is honesty, I want my site to be honest. I want you to come here and read my posts and know it’s from the heart, I want you to feel comfortable to reach out and tell me about your bad days and your good ones. Or ask questions or give input (when asked, no one likes judgmental comments), I want to build a community where we can be us. In all our weirdness, wild ways and never feel judged. I realize I will lose some followers and friends with this new change in direction but I also know I will be gaining some new amazing ones.  Here is a few photos of what has been going on these last few months. Also please tell me if there is any topic you’d love for me to discuss more on here. 

XOXO,

Spencer

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“Hi Spencer I saw your post…” What I do when I receive these messages

First let me just say that if you work for any company or product where you sell things (ItWorks, Younique, Young Living, Beach Body, etc.) don’t think this post is about you UNLESS you do the following and if you do, do the following please be prepared for a rather sarcastic response from me. I would also like to point out that I sell young living, I have friends who are apart of ItWorks, Youngue and Beach Body and fully love and support them because they go about it THE RIGHT WAY. –Also please note it’s 6 am while I’m writing this and I may have just received my fourth message that start out like this…

 

‘Hi Spencer! I saw you post (they don’t reference which post which is a clear indication they didn’t actually read my post) and just wanted to tell you that if you’re tired of being –insert the following: tired, puffy skin, looking like a mombie, etc–then I have great news for you!’

There is generally more about where I can find out more information and to message them if I’m interested. I generally ignore or trash this messages because they aren’t genuine and I can tell that they are just copying and pasting the same message to multiple people without taking the time to really get to know me or to see if they even have a product I am interested in. As I mentioned before I have lots of awesome moms who do it the right way AND even if their product is not for me I will recommend them to fellow friends because I do trust them and I know they will take time out of their day to give each client a proper conversation and not be pushy.

Also my biggest pet peeve is that with these messages you basically make me feel like a pile of sh*t. So now I’m going to make sure you know that, it may sound harsh but there are women out there who don’t need that extra pressure that you unknowingly put on them. I’m lucky enough that for the most part I am confident in my appearance and when I want to change something I have a list of awesome boss moms who I will contact instead of these ‘Hi Spencer’ messages.

The point of my rant (see above) is this, if you are going to message someone about a product and copy and past a text without getting to know me or doing a little bit of research on me and make me feel like a pile of sh*t I’m going to reply back with sarcastic responses such as ‘Thank you for your message (I still have manners) however I love being a mombie with bags under my eyes and less than perfect beach body, I am sorry that my feed prompted you to take pity of me as a basic worn out house mom but I am pretty happy with my life and have to resources when needed to fix my current state of appearance when I want to.’

Okay that may be a little harsher than I will reply but honestly some days it might not be. If I would have received these messages right after having Ashton I honestly don’t think my hormone enraged self could handle it. Some days even now I can’t because I’m still adjusting to my new “mom bod” and breastfeeding as made my weight go up and down more than it did in high school BUT for the most part I’m okay with it because I have this cute squishy baby that made it all worth it. I’ll I’m saying is before you hit send really think if your approach is acceptable, look at it from their point of view, ask yourself if the text would make you feel down or bad about yourself and if it does, DON’T SEND IT.

Mini rant over! And to all my lades who do sell ItWorks, Beach Body, Yongique, Young Living, etc AND do it the right way, I love you guys!!!

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Hello 2017!

I know I’m not the only one trying to figure out where this year went, some days I forget I had a kid! Okay not really but it does feel like just yesterday I was pregnant and counting down the days till Ashton would be joining us. And yet here he is almost NINE months old!?!? I need a glass of wine just thinking about that… Lately I’ve been reflecting on who I am now vs. who I was before baby and even while I was pregnant. I realize overtime each year I’m a completely different person although my core values and personality stay the same. Two years ago I was obsessed with yoga, meditating, hiking and listening to records on repeat all weekend long while I attempted to remember what I learn in art class. A year ago I was still enjoying these things but I also was busy with weddings, baby bump photos and creating a home for our family. This year it was all about Ashton, lets be honest, he stole the show this year and has taken up 90% of our house’s attention. I tell him he’s lucky he’s cute.

Although I loved every day of ‘the year of Ashton’ I’m also excited to do big things in 2017 for me again. I know that you never really get your freedom back after having kids until they move out but even then you still will worry about them.  BUT my goal is to balance family and personal goals better this year. So to help keep my accountable and hopefully motivate anyone else to follow through with goals here is a few of mine for 2017.

Learn French: A few years ago my mom got my pa and me Rosetta Stone to learn French together and lets just say neither of us have done a thing but download it… SO my goal is to start practicing it for at least 30 minutes, 3-4 days a week this year. I know life happens so I feel that 3-4 days a week will be more than doable.

Finish my Chakra training: I enrolled in classes before I got pregnant (yes BEFORE!) and still haven’t finished my training. I found so many excuses and reasons not to this year that I eventually put all my school work in a box and just ignored it.

Expand the Shop: As most of you know I own a shop with my awesome mom and we create handmade jewelry as well as baby and toddler accessories. I love seeing how far we have came in the short time we’ve been open but I know we can do more. We are already in the works of switching to a new website and adding a new line to the chaos that is us and I’m so excited to bring more of my passions to the shop for everyone to enjoy.

Mindfulness: This is a BIG one for me, I want to bring mindfulness back into our house and stay consistent with it. I go in spurts where I meditate with the boys, practice yoga and journal but nothing is consistent. Since Jordan is from a split family it is especially important to create a calm, peaceful environment as well as help him understand the emotions he is feeling. So I’m hoping to create some sort of routine that we can do to help calm his social anxieties as well as help me keep a peaceful attitude towards each day.

Education: Another big thing I’m wanting to bring into our house is education,  we plan on homeschooling Ashton and any future kids and are hoping to one day do the same for Jordan. We are already seeing him slip through the cracks at his current school and as a parent it is rather frustrating and heart breaking since he is such a bright child. This topic is a hard one since I am only his step mom and can only fight for so much when it comes to his well being, however I can still help him when he is with us so I want to create a curriculum that we do at home together to make sure he doesn’t get lost in the school systems. (Any fellow homeschooling moms I would love tips and support information on this!)

Finally the last big thing I want to work on in 2017 is letting go of stress, doubt and fear. Those three things have held me back from doing the items listed above plus 20 other things. I’ve read handfuls of books and articles that have helped me get the courage to even start this blog and now I need to utilize the tools I have and create the life I’ve always wanted.

What are you goals for 2017? How are you going to create your best year yet?

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